Being a spiritual seeker is a confusing enterprise. Thanks to the glory of 21st century technology, the community-less spiritual seeker is accosted at all sides by a never-ending cacophony of voices. All the world’s religious traditions, at their most shallow level, are displayed side by side, with salesmen hawking at any traveler who passes through Google.

Despite all this, I knew very early on that I wanted to convert to Judaism. I can only describe my decision to convert in the way that transgender individuals describe a sex-change operation: when I was younger, I just knew there was something a little ‘off’ about me, and one day, nose buried in a library book, I realized what it was. So I spent five years trying to convince everyone who would listen that my halachic status was some kind of cosmic mistake. Now, finally, I can get my operation and have my halachic status match my truest self.

That said, there was a five year gap between deciding I wanted to convert to Judaism and reaching the age where I actually could— and I put that gap to good use. The way that someone who has a girlfriend can jokingly flirt with girls who know that nothing could ever come of it (at least, in theory), I was able to flirt with many life-structuring ideologies: Ultra-Orthodox Judaism, Neo-Hasidism, classical Conservative Judaism (epitomized by Louis Jacobs), evangelical Christianity, Anabaptist-tinged post-evangelical Christianity, the progressive Churches of Christ, liturgical Christianity, libertarian socialism, Sufi Islam, the atheist/scientific narrative. One “other woman” proved particularly tempting: the Jewish-Christian synthesis of Mark Kinzer gave me some kind of theological backing for all the flirtation, and I processed all my travels through that framework for a few years.

So now, after all of that, it’s time to actually marry the girlfriend, take the plunge (literally), and convert to Judaism. I need a theology that will account for the genuine spiritual vitality and intellectual rigor I encountered in my travels. It must be a theology that rigorously engages Jewish thought, and acknowledges and responds meaningfully to the existence of other religious traditions and ethical worldviews. On the other hand, it must be distinctively and centrally Jewish, and not a theological version of the dilettante religious lifestyle I lived for so many years. It must be a theology that emerges organically from the community of the Jewish people; it must be a demonstrably Jewish theology; and it must be willing to give other worldviews a respectful “no thank you” on behalf of the Jewish people.

It must not ask me to sacrifice my mind or my ethical conscience on the altar of fidelity to God or tradition, as my steadfast refusal to do this pushed me out of my church and began my religious inquiry to begin with. I left the Churches of Christ because I could not believe in a God who would send the woman I knew only as “abuela” to eternal conscious torment because she was baptized by immersion as a Baptist and not as a Church of Christ member; and because I believed such a god would be, frankly, evil.

So, with all that in the background, I approach A Living Covenant by David Hartman. While I’m not expecting Hartman to answer all the questions, I would just appreciate some help in fleshing out the framework where I can continue to explore and in learning how to relate to God as a member of the Jewish people, bound to it by covenant.

The concluding paragraphs of Hartman’s introduction lead me to believe that I will find what I’m looking for (at least partially) in the book’s pages:

“Pluralism requires an epistemological framework that limits the claim of revelation. It requires a political philosophy in which the unity of God does not imply one universal way for all humankind. However, before epistemological and political theory can chart new directions for Judaism, we need a conceptual framework in which covenantal consciousness is permeated by a religious sensibility that celebrates finitude and creatureliness as permanent features of covenantal life. A human sensibility that is open to and appreciative of the possibilities of pluralism is the foundation from which one can build a new epistemological understanding of revelation and halakhah.”

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